


Stitched Smiles

by mxmjeans



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Art Student Kylo Ren, Depression, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, M/M, Medical Student Hux, Mental Health Issues, Rey Needs A Hug, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 17:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13128789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxmjeans/pseuds/mxmjeans
Summary: Hux doesn't have morphine, but he doesn't ask questions, and that's what makes him better than the hospital.





	Stitched Smiles

Hux doesn't have morphine, but he doesn't ask questions, and that's what makes him better than the hospital. Hux's bathroom, however, is still the same pristine, bland white, bright fluroescent lighting not allowing anywhere to hide, just like the hospital does. Kylo is vulernable here, sitting on the cold tiles, especially since he's left so many red stains on them, but Hux doesn't prey on it at all. He lets his eyes glaze over, turns his body on autopilot and gets to work stitching Kylo up quietly. It's just how they work.

"Thank you, Hux," Kylo says, watching Hux's sure hands wrap his wrist in a careful, tight bandage, trying to ignore the slight shake to the man's fingers. Hux doesn't respond for a moment, getting to work on the other wrist, his eyes unwaivering from the task. This time Kylo can't ignore Hux's trembling fingers as he clumsily rolls the bandage around his arm.

"You need to take it easy on yourself." Hux keeps the statement as monotone as he can, acting like he never spoke as he cleans up, packing whatever he used into the first aid kit. Kylo stares up at him, clenching his fists. His wrist burns in pain, and the stitches in one particularly deep cut pop open once more. Blood seeps through the bandage in seconds.

"I thought you said you weren't going to ask questions," Kylo says through gritted teeth, a pit of anger burning fiercely in his stomach that singes his ears and neck, threatening to spread to his face. Kylo tenses his shoulders in an attempt to stop it from happening, though he's not sure why.

"It wasn't a question, just an observation. Despite our arrangement, so to speak, I am still allowed to be concerned about what you're doing to yourself, Kylo." Hux retorts, too busy eyeing the bandage turning red to notice Kylo's face has done the same thing. He's not angry. The emotion setting his stomach ablaze is shame. 

"You're a medical student in need of experience. Separate your emotions from this. Isn't that what they teach you to do?" Hux ignores this, reaching for Kylo's wrist to patch it up once more. He's forced to face it, though, when Kylo rips his arm from Hux's gentle grasp, tearing open another new cut. Kylo gasps at the fresh wave of pain hits him, a new patch of blood meeting the dark red of the previous one.

"I'm enabling you. They didn't teach me to do that. They're teaching me the opposite, actually. Yet, here I am, watching your cuts get deeper, your depression get deeper, your selfishness consume you. I should've reported you the second I-" Hux stops, chest heaving from his outburst. Kylo tries not to cower away, liking to think he's stronger than that, but even as the steel in Hux's eyes melt away, the remaining chill causes Kylo to want to curl up into himself or disappear into the wall.

"I'm sorry, Kylo, just -" Hux reaches out his hand, not sure if it's his guilt causing his stomach to twist or the way the blood is consuming the bandage at an alarming rate. "Please."

"Fine, but this is the last time."

"Kylo -"

"The last time, Hux."

-/-

Hux can't remember a time since then where he's had a good night's sleep. He's always glancing to his door, waiting for the desperate knock, or anxiously bouncing his leg as he listens to the news for reports of a suicide. On both ends, it is cold silence. He isn't sure if he prefers it this way or not.

He fixes his black tie in the mirror for the umptenth time, smooths down his emerald green blazer even though he ironed it to perfection, fixing a few stray strands from his meticulously done slicked back hair. He looks good, well prepared. Clean, slick and reserved.

The knock on his door startles him, but he recovers quickly, practicing his confident, calculated stride on his way to the door just in case there are some kinks in his step to work out. 

There's another knock moments later, this one more urgent. Hux rolls his eyes, hand grasping the doorknob. She's always been impatient, what else should he have expected? 

"He said you could help," There he is, months after last being here, leaning on a girl he's twice the size of and paler than Hux has ever seen him before. 

"Fu - Okay. I'll help you bring him to the bed." Hux tries to stay composed, but he can feel the sweat already building on his back. The girl's clothes are covered in blood, and there's not a spot on Kylo's hands that isn't red. 

Rushing over to him, Hux takes one of Kylo's arms around his shoulders, planting his own arm firmly around Kylo's waist. He's heavy and barely conscious, so his legs don't help Hux and the girl at all. They struggle through it, Hux worrying about the loss of time, and sling him gently onto Hux's bed.

"What's your name?" Hux asks the girl, a dumb question for this situation, but she looks just as stressed as he feels. Maybe in becoming slightly familiar with her she can relax a little more.

"Rey," She responds, watching with wild eyes as Hux tears off Kylo's shirt, checking for wounds on Kylo's abdomen, relieved to see only scars.

"Rey. My name is Hux. I need you to help me. In the bathroom, there's a first aid kit. Go get it for me." He commands, but she stays in place, looking at him in fear. "Now. Do you want him to die?" This gets her moving, and she practically runs to the bathroom.

"Kylo, are you able to hear me?" Hux begins examining the massive gashes on Kylo's wrists, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat. Kylo should be dead right now.

"Why are you so dressed up?" Kylo manages lazily, staring up at Hux with lifeless eyes, blinking slow and sluggish. "Didn't get fancy to watch me die, did you?"

"No. I'm supposed to be going out for dinner. What have you done to yourself?" Hux counters, running his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands. He can't figure out what the worst one is. They're all bad. Where is he supposed to begin?

Kylo opens his mouth to answer, but Rey comes back into the room, wet rags in her hand and the first aid kit in the other hand. Whatever he was going to say, he opts out of, instead whispering, "You're going to do amazing, Hux, just breathe." as if that solves everything.

"I know you don't like hospitals, so if you want to stay out of one, I need you conscious, so keep talking and we'll be just fine." Hux takes a rag and presses it to what he thinks is the deepest cut, drenching the rag almost immediately in blood. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for just a moment to try and calm the nausea swirling around his stomach.

"Am I allowed to embarrass you, Hux?" Kylo asks, a quiet, frail laugh falling from his lips.

"Do whatever you need to do, just stay awake. Please." Satisified that the pace of the bleeding has slowed down at least a little bit, Hux pours rubbing alcohol into the cut. Instead of screaming, Kylo lets out a breathless gasp, like he enjoys the pain. It sends a chill through Hux's spine.

"Have I ever told you that you have the most stunning green eyes I have ever seen..."

-/-

"Finished."

"Good. I was running out of things to say."

"Good," Hux fights down his blush, packs up the first aid kit and finally lets out a full, deep breath since the whole ordeal begun. He stands up throw the bloody rags in the garbage, but Kylo grabs his wrist to stop him.

"Hey. Thank you," He says, but Hux shakes his head and easily breaks free of his grasp. Kylo doesn't mean it - just said it because the girl is in the room, having watched the whole thing unfold in a panic of her own.

"Go to sleep." Hux commands, voice tight and strained, but as assertive as he can manage. He runs his hand through his hair, looking down at Kylo for a moment before the burning in his eyes causes him to look away. 

Hux shuffles to the bathroom, stripping off his blood stained blazer, allowing it to fall to the floor as he steadies his shaking hands by gripping onto the counter. Kylo almost died on his watch, in his bed. A few deep breaths unwinds the tightness in Hux's chest, but it still lingers, ready to consume his chest at any moment.

He tries to wash the blood off his hands, but he's trembling far too much. He can barely hold the soap. And then, Rey enters the bathroom, and without having to be asked she helps him, getting the blood out from between his fingers and around his nails gently, kindly, handling him like a small, fragile child. For some reason, he doesn't object.

She sits him down on the edge of the bathtub, filling up the sink with warm water, getting a fresh cloth. Hux barely processes her wringing it out, turning to him and beginning to wipe a combination of dry and liquid blood from his face. Kylo's blood, nevertheless. 

"He was right about what he said about your eyes," She comments, a small smile flashing across her lips before falling into a frown when Hux doesn't answer. "But, you look so haunted. When did you two meet?"

"Two years ago." 

"Where?" She presses, moving the rag down to his neck, scrubbing at the crusted blood gently. 

"On a rooftop," He answers, closing his eyes and swallowing thickly. He can almost feel the cold wind from that day whipping around his body.

"He was going to kill himself, wasn't he?" She asks. Hux opens his eyes, but his gaze doesn't meet hers. He looks at himself in the mirror, face and neck stained red. He almost throws up at the sight of himself.

"Yes, he was. We - I've been stitching him up ever since. This is the worst I've ever seen it." Hux admits, standing up and pushing his hair out of his face.

"He's only going to keep getting worse," Rey says, causing Hux to chuckle dryly.

"I know," He answers, picking his blazer up off the floor. It smears blood on the tiles. "Trust me, I know."


End file.
